jeritan rawak

kata orang; buat baik berpada-pada, buat jahat jangan sekali.


tapi bagi aku, buat baik berpada-pada, buat jahat pun berpada-padalah jugaklah. Kita ni orang kebanyakan, jadi kita memang takde benda lain nak buat selain terima, disuap, dan menguap sekali-sekala. Kadang-kadang, jadi pelajar di lubuk terengganu sana yang jauh dari pembandaran apatah lagi berkenderaan, memang buatkan kau jadi tuli dan pekak sementara. Kau semacam tak kisah dah jadinya, kau baca tapi kau tak condemn banyak. Sebab; kau tak rasa.


Bila balik kampung, by which halaman asal kau yang sememangnya di bandar yang bila kau keluar rumah jarang sekali berjalan kaki. kau jadi 'berasa' semula; yang itu sini sana naik memang 'no joke'. Kau cuma terfikir, apa guna kau belajar ekonomi bab 'government intervention' chapter tiga muka surat start 145 hinggalah 156 yang mengagung-agungkan government sebagai otoriti terpaling power  mewujudkan sebuah negara bangsa yang berjaya terutama dari segi ekonomi adalah sebenarnya theory paling loser buat tanah air sendiri.

Blunt but true, here comes to the era of government in no longer the best authority to tell us what's the best and what's not. Jadinya sebagai rakyat marhaen yang bercita-cita satu hari nanti mahu melihat tampuk pemerintahan negara ini lebih efektif dari yang sekarang, wajarlah aku yang tiada punya apa apa ini merayukan akan 'pembaharuan'. Bukan lagi, peluang sesudah peluang yang habisnya nanti rakyat tergadai hak bangsa terhapus. Kita ini memanglah tiada punya apa apa, belajar juga belum habis. Tapi bila hak demi hak kita di tarik dan di-charge lebih dari yang sepatutnya, kita jadi marah. Lawak tapi memang betul, kita bukan jepun. Yang naik public transport itu adalah datangnya dari populasi student-student yang masih tiada punya pendapatan sendiri, marhaen yang berpendapatan rendah dan kurang mampu berkereta. Jadi bila yang ini juga diganggu kita jadi marah.


Soal hak anak bangsa yang sepatutnya lebih luas dan terbuka untuk berpendidikan tinggi seinci lebih dari awan juga diganggu oleh hal yang tidak-tidak; kita jadi marah. Kuota student ke universiti luar negara diganggu dan di-short populatedkan pun buat kita jadi marah. Sudahnya begitu, datang pula statement umpama mencurah air didaun keladi seperti jangan belanja lebih, baju raya jangan banyak sangat, 2-3 pasang sudah cukup, makan nasi goreng gst sudah memadai, dan buat dua kerja amat disarankan memang buat kita jadi lagi marah.

Isu dia sekarang, si pengata itu gantang di besar sebesar alam. Nasihat itu tak ubah cumalah seperti suatu pandangan yang kotor dan bertunjang tiada. Maka sudahnya, terus-terusan lah kami melukut di tepi gantang kami yang sekangkang kera cuma kalau nak dibandingkan dengan yang tuan punya. Apalah sama.


Bukan nak kata apa, dulu orang selalu bilang yang pelajar dan mahasiswa adalah suatu gelombang maha power yang pandangan mereka harus di-consider dan mereka ini boleh disifatkan sebagai suatu golongan yang 'we can rely on' dalam membela nasib anak bangsa. Tapi sepertinya, era itu juga sudah berakhir. Suara suara lantang yang mahu bercerita dan berpandangan juga disekat malah di label kencang sebagai pendosa yang berniat memporak-perandakan bahtera tanah air sendiri. Sampai satu tahap; kau dah malas. Kau dah malas nak ambil tahu dan akhirnya kau diam.


Sama macam katak yang dah merajuk sebab hujan tak turun turun, kau dah malas amik tahu.



i'm telling you now;


Impak paling besar kepada negara adalah dengan ter-updatenya entri ini, yang kau tahu suara kau tiada siapa mahu dengarkan. Dan yakin juga kau, entri ini tidak akan dibaca apatah lagi di-consider. Tidak cukup dengan itu, ramai juga akan meluahkan ketidak puashatian sekadar sebagai suatu tweet yang probability dibaca berdasarkan jumlah retweet, takpun hanyalah sebagai caption-caption tidak bersuara di laman instagram. Dan lebih mengejutkan, orang seperti penulis penulisan-penulisan tersebut bukan satu cuma.













growing up

New labels; growing up



So it has been three years now since I wrote my first entry in this blog, even though as you can see I've earned hundred of followers I'm sure none of them are my readers. But that's why I started blogging, is to write without having anyone read. I just need a medium, when I can just write anything without get judged by anyone. I don't even know how to react knowing someone actually read my writing by which I can say it must be the worst ever reading material you need to deal with. All the grammatical errors from my first english entry are purposely kept just as my future reference that I was a grown teenager who never stop learning and still do. That's the purpose also, to improve my writing skill even I must say that I really got no talents. Either it's writing what I love to describing something, I was just that bad. Not even really good at vocabulary, I still learn. An absolute learner.




Apart of that, it's 2015 now and in few days I'll be turning 20 unofficially. I can't imagine how time flies so fast that it feels like it was just yesterday I received my spm result that I was happy that day and was looking hard to get a scholarship so that I can fly, my dream since I was kid. Unbelievable; that's the word to describe how far have I gone now that just few steps more then I can breathe the European air like how I've always wanted. Even so, I still the same person I used to be. Like how I was in highschool, my novels and unnecessary books are a lot more than my study textbooks. It just that I love to be with my books whenever I go, away from home. Having all the favourite books with me, it's like I'm bringing my home along my way.

Remembering how I was very sad after knowing I couldn't make it to MRSM, was the lowest point of my life. At the moment, I realize that there are many things I want are something I don't need. I can't even imagine if I had the offer from Mrsm, how that decision will change my life now. I'm in love now in learning accounting and economics, and if I enrolled as one of the mrsm student I will never be pursuing the same path I'm now, my true passion. My point is that, Allah really knows what I need. even more than what I think I need. I don't know my true passion, until Allah has given me the chance. I still can't get over how I was mad that time, I cried a lot just because I don't get what I want. I still remember how I told Ma that there'll be no school after this. I want to stay at home. No mrsm, then no other school. I was a bright girl at school and never a record I made disciplinary problems. But it was when I was in form 4 that I skipped a whole week not attending school, just because I was so frustrated not being offered for mrsm. Ma was the great hero that time, she was there everytime I cried and I can't imagine life without her. We went to mara head office quite several times but no offers come after that.

Then one day I came to school after being scolded by my class teacher. He was the new teacher back then, he never knows what was my problem. The only thing he knows was I'm that irresponsible class assistant who always skipped class without reason. Not so long after that, I had my mid term exam and I got B for biology which is not that good for me. I found it hard to understand biology, it's like I was learning something without my heart at it. "If we were going to stay like that, I won't get as many A's I could to have mara scholar for overseas study", I told myself. Just then, I revised everything and decided to change my course. That's how I finally found this passion and what I actually been looking for. This course I've chosen has changed everything and eventually the reason for who I am now. I'm totally feel so blessed.


Alhamdulillah.

But it was few years ago, when I still too naive about this life. All I know was to score the best result and leave this country. But I'm sure, I have grown up now. To learn that life it's not just about what I want and desire. It's something to do about my gratitude to what I've been provided and accepting every single thing Allah has given. Each of it is blessing and I should be more grateful for many years to come.


In mkic, I've met many kind of people, too many faces to digest making me want to pack all things and leave the place as soon as I can. I have had many faces, the one that hates me in secret, the one that betrayed, the one who said she will stay but never, and the one who seems happy but actually is not. I learn to accept everyone's flaws, and tolerate with each. I learn to always keep my patience and don't simply express everything out just because I was mad. Respect; even though they are not from the best family background. Because after all, we are all the same and still learning hard to achieve our dream. I learn to always improve myself better every day, I'm no perfect but I can change to be better. I should be positive and always striving hard to gain best result. Nothing comes easy, but it's not impossible. As long as I'm in mkic, it does mean I still hold the chance to be in Uk soon. I know that I'm capable to ace it, and I really will.



Moving to a new year now...




2015; and my music taste is still the way I used to have. Lullabies, or any song that in low note melody are my main preference. I have like a long list of songs in my playlist but only few of them are my all-time favourite consisting of Birdy, Kodaline, the beatles and Coldplay. Not to mention, Death Cab for cutie! I'm still the same movie enthusiast like how I was years ago, give me whatever movie then I'll rate it. Psycho > horror. And both Yash and Nolan are all time favourite. My favourite series of course the CSI, the apprentice and Shark tank is the added favourite. teehee

Another six months, I'm sure I'll be missing everyone in mkic. But I'm okay with that, surely okay. I want to work double hard this last semester and ace every papers with flying colour. I'll ace all the pointers required by mara and I'll surely get to fly to Uk. I can't wait for that, but I'm sure wherever I'm going be after mkic is surely the best place for me. May Allah wills it.




This is 2015; and I'm moving forward.




To Fiqah, le cousin

A year older, a year wiser. I can't believe how time flies so fast that it feels like it was just yesterday when we had our photo sitting on the sofa while I was beside you and you were with your topi knowing your hair doesn't grow much like mine hahahahahaha! Can I say i miss all about growing up with you? We've been schoolmates since we were 5 up till the age of 17 and that's totally annoying kau tak rasa ke? Hahahahaha that's sweet though. Well, I wish you a great life ahead, and with the potential you got I know you can go far in this life. Remember that effort matters more than anything else, so give your very best in whatever you do. Believe in your capabilities and you really can do it ok? Hehe. May Allah ease everything for you and Happy birthday, babe 💐








Those days

Last time when I was still a highschool student, I have this hobby (and still do) of giving random sticknotes to my random friends (mostly my dear classmates). You know how I love to collect beautiful quotes and eventually write those onto my personal journal, so to get to see people happy and excited faces while they read the words I wrote on the sticknotes eventually brings a smile to me as well. It's one of it, random act of kindness. 


I've mentioned it before in my past entries about few other random of kindness. I used to have this one special person in school back then, and Ma being a thoughful mother as she is will always have me a bunch of apples so that in her thought I can still consume vitamins while in asrama. But most of the times I couldn't finish all them so before they got rotten, I'll just give it to this special person while having a sticknote on top of the apple written 'an apple a day keeps a doctor away'. Yes, it was too cliche hahaha I couldn't think anything else that time. Even the message is simple, it did draw a smile to the receiver's face which is a big happiness to me when I see that person happy. I'm so proud to be the reason of people happiness. It just a random feeling like that. 

Even though we get nothing in return, we should believe the kindness that make people remember us when we're not there anymore. It might be tomorrow or any days in future, but this good deeds will really help you somedays. What's around comes around, what you give you get back. However, the feeling to be missed is actually amazing seriously. Hahahahah and now i started to miss farah now. Because, she never get tired of receiving my sticknotes even until now 







Moving on to college, i've tried this one random act of kindness. But actually my niat is to thank all those friends who have been there for helping me in studies. You know I need to retake my AS exam and there was few friends that help me to cope back all the subjects for the exam. Instead of saying 'thank you' directly to them, I decided to give them something. Something that's sweet and joyful for them to eat, so I want it to be food la basically. So then I asked kakak to bake me brownies for my friends. I was so happy actually that day to see them getting so excited receiving cakes. If you know how my college is then you know it's rare to have cakes on random days. Where got brownies tengah tengah hutan kan, so yeah. 










The first one is basic absolute chocolate brownies and the other one is redvelvet in flavour with pistachios and melted choc on the top, basically a reason to get themselves happy randomly.


This is totally a random post about random act of kindness haha







Mkic, is it you?

It's 4.24am now, and I still find it hard to sleep. Beside me here, there is still a cup of hot strawberry tea waiting for me to enjoy it. So basically, it's almost negative possibility I might fall asleep any soon now. I don't know why, but I think this time's holidays were quite too fast as I just don't realize it has come to its end already, I should really cry a river by now, realizing january at the same time has got no chill but to see me sooner to let me receive all those results. Arghh it's frightening! That's why, that's why I can't sleep every night. This is the reason. Oh finally I know the reason. Ni rupanya, no wonder I get so nervous lately. I can never forget to mention in my Dua for Allah to ease everything for me, my way to success dunia dan akhirat. Because realizing this is not just a my deal but my parents as well, it makes me in too much worries of what if I couldn't make it nauzubillah. Yes I should be positive though, everything is going to be okay in the end. In Allah, I believe. 




Featuring stoberi tea while reading if you can know, it's beautifulnara at the back. Pls, my girlish part just loves gossips hahahaha 



Yes, talking about reality. Mkic is coming in 8days, so it does mean that mental torture is also making its way now. No way to escape but to deal with it as strong as I can be. I know this next semester is going to be hard and tough but I believe Allah is there to help and strengthen me. InsyaAllah. 











Cup of tea 2


To Debating-mate

So I heard today is someone's birthday. Well, how could I not wishing him after knowing this special day will come just once in his year? Not twice, not even thrice. But could this wish turn the rain on his night to rainbow on his morning? 🌈 Well, let me give this a try. Bear with me, young man.

How many days till now since the last day we met? That it's been years now and so many things have changed throughout our days. But none of them we had chance to tell and share to each other. But does it matters ? Surely not, because it's not the connection between us is based on. You and I, different stories in different places. But if something happened to any of us, we care. That's all matters, I care. 

As for his birthday, I wish all the best and may Allah ease everything for him. He's a bright man and with the potential he got, I know he could go far in this life. Being a handsome and sexy doctor is one thing, but to be the one with high integrity and dedication to his work is another. I hope he could be the best doctor he could be once he got the title. More years to go, so keep striving and don't give up. Last but not least, happy birthday , debating-mate. Have a good day today!

With love, 
AY

To Yaya

The one who is always good at memorizing especially on things related to biology and formulas. The one who is always good at cooking, the one who we will go for when it comes to the day her parents will come. The one who got that gifted hand-writing, simply neat and organized. The one who is always score well in exam, the one who always appreciate the true meaning of friends. The one who we will never get tired to spend an entire day talking to. And that is how good she was in highschool-life back then, and it bugs me how this two years have changed her. I bet, puberty truck has done a very good job and turned her to be a beautiful and young lady as she is now. Indeed, she's a real definition of beauty with brain!

So she thought i will not wish her on this very special day of hers?! Of course i will! I know it's kinda too late but i hope few hours late won't change my love to you as forever or even five-ever you are really my girlfriend and someone that i will never miss to count on to be special guest on my wedding ahaks! So happy birthday, my dear sweety macaroon ! I hope an increase in age does increase your level maturity and success. I shouldn't say this, but life is unimaginably hard but always remember you have Allah to help and us, (your friends) to rely on. All the best in your life, may Allah grant you happiness and prosperity in life. 

All in all, stay classy and gorgeous as always. Be safe, there.



Yours truly,
Your very first deskmate in highschool

Rant on hobbies



I love quotes, I love to know on how people feel and think about something. I find it as an interesting subject to learn, as because of that I love economics I guess. Because of its deep study about people's behaviour. Some might think it's not real, because after all the theories come from a simple human being who thought and assumed about other people acts and behaviours. Well, that's science. A social science, basically. But that's not my point here, I don't want to talk about economics either. I wanna talk about my passion towards poetry and quotes. It's something I should consider as my hobby, collecting quotes.

Quotes for example, by Shakespeare. It's valuable in term of the content and message he was trying to deliver. How he wanted us to know about something he knows. That's valuable, we learn something from other's experiences. You can't have a thought without first having the experience that makes you say whatever related to it. You need first to be in the situation then you can think and feel. So basically it's an advance learning where you can have a valuable message without first be in the shoes. You just need to accept, for it's something beneficial for you to learn. Same goes to hadith. The past collector of hadith are the one who are responsible of Prophet's saying. As the latest ummah, we didn't had a chance to meet the Prophet but we can still know him well and practice his good acts through his sayings, which are an absolute benefit to all of us.



I have few books of poetry which all are my favourites. And I have my own personal journal for me to collect any meaningful quotes I found online, yes my all-time favourite as well.








Girls-Day-Out

This is a major throwback on somewhere around August I guess, duhh can't really remember but yeah time isn't that important. The moment, yes! So it was an unplanned event which few of us were so in eager to meet each other and it was me and sarah with our so called driver in action-- shaza, we met up at SCM for different purpose and we like just took everything for granted and eventually made that day our 'girls-day-out' yay!

And of course we were so excited to meet edyn, because at that time she was back from jordan. And it has been a year not seeing her. So we did think that it might be a definite opportunity to meet her, we miss her a lot weh! 


Nothing much for this old friends meeting, just like any other typical meet up. We had makan makan and long time gossips before they decided to play bowling which is just not my league so I refused to join them. Yes that was one of the reason but the truth is I was in rush to send Bah to the airport so yeah. Lucky to have shaza in advance, he always a good driver, he's good at speeding hahahaha

But it was one of the best day and I was so lucky to have all this sporting friends who are always excited to meet each other. I hope this lasts forever, 'the excitement' 

It's good somehow to meet the old friends sometimes in a while, i mean that's when you can recall all those past memories and yknow have a good laugh together. I miss each of my highschool friends, they are all my soul. I'm here at this point I'm now because of them, they are the reason I survived highschool very well. I hope each of us will be a successful lady and berjaya dunia akhirat insyaAllah. I don't say this very often, but I love them too much that I can't define it through words. 









Till then, ladies. 


Love, 
AY










Mampu 2

The Companion

Living in this family, I've been told quite many times of being so lucky to actually have a complete set of brothers, sister and one younger brother. Because after all, I am in the middle and obviously I have all whatever sibling labels. Is it a blessing? Yes, until they all get married and suddenly make their own living. I can say it hurts every time I'm back from college and get to see all the rooms are empty because it's only you who are there to visit the home on that weekend. You are not going back to the full house anymore, but you're going back to take turn and eventually fill up the emptiness of the empty rooms available. Not so long before, the first thing I will look for when I'm back is my mother and secondly, entering my dibby's room. Yes, it's crucial to have him because he's the reason of what I'm going to do. He knows what to do so I can like just join in whatever he's up to. We would have a long conversation about anything and actually, he's keeping me up to date. I know what's happening around the world because he told me. I know a new song because he introduced to me. I know a new movie by just having to see a folder named 'movie 2015' so then I'll know there are all the new movies in that folder, so I can just pick any for it to be watched. Most of the times, he will wait for my coming so that we can watch together.




But it's different now. 




Totally different for most of the times I'll be homed when no one is there, I come to the empty house. No more any siblings, it just the parents and my younger brother. It hurts. No more movies time, no more long conversation. The next morning I'll wake up thinking of what I'm going to do today, which likely I'll end up do nothing. I'll just watch tv, and browse thru youtube until I get myself knackered, eventually then I'll realise it's night already and it's for sleep. The next morning is totally scripted like the day before. yeah, I'm that lonely.


Alone, that I need a companion. Someone whom I can share my bad stories while at college, I just want to have someone that can listen and tell me I'm doing okay so I don't have to worry about anything.




I have too many fears and worries as I grow up, along with that one by one from my life is making their leaving. It makes me totally a body without a soul.




Companion, how many days more for you to come? 



Autumn

Kidnappers of the day

So it was my birthday that day, and I was at home in advance since Ma asked me to be back home. Unplanned event always the most successful so do we were that day. It was on the night before actually when I told Farah I'm homed. So she was very excited and asked as if I can make time for her the next day. Yes, she meant her words that she asked me the next morning to send my house location because she's on the way with our friends. Yes, she is so determined as she is. 

Few minutes and she arrived lol. So we had makan makan time just after a long conversation in the car while on journey to Aeon. We had like the craziest moment that day because we lost in the middle of nowhere finding Sasa's house. We even asked one pakcik to help us with the direction, and unfortunately the pakcik being so helpless that time ish. 


We had our makan at Johnny's and even continued with our so long conversation. It was a good time with them, seriously. I miss my old friends, so to have this kind of meeting sometimes is always something I enjoy doing at. 

After makan we went for window shopping, and had a conversation over make up and just everything. We did video recording over chattime session. Yes it was tiring day when you need to like walk from one store to another while talking and laughing at the same time, yes it was tiring yet superbly exciting. I want more days like this, I swear! 


Not just that we went to my past school, just to meet this one of our juniors; Ammar. I think it's a good chance for us as all the spm students were still there because they had spm in the week. I enjoyed visiting my school, because seriously it has been two years now I don't wear that white uniform and started to miss everything now. I miss my makcik canteen, all the cikgus, the juniors, the moment of ustaz hayye being the imam, i miss buka puasa at asrama, i miss skipping solat hajat and pretending like I can't solat just because I want to complete my homework at the upper level of surau, yes i miss all about school. and i was so nakal during my school days, not a good example as a pengawas sekolah. Lol

So here we go, sums up of the day








Thank you, my lovely kidnappers! 


We as a singer

Truth to be told, I am not really into any singing realizing of how bad I am at it. So to join those perfect voices, is definitely my last choice. I mean, I can be forced to join in just if that is extremely necessary or something to do with prizes then I can consider. Because I do love prizes! Who doesn't anyway?


So my class had to join this merdeka competition, it's actually singing competition la. Where you need to be in a choir group which consists of your classmates and required to sing the given song as creative as you can be. How lucky we were that time because we got the Ella song which is 'standing in the eyes of the world'. Yes that was the best song in the list and we got it. Phew.

So imagine the accountants to be and eventually need to act like some of professional choir singer in that day. That was hard, actually. We fought several times, and some of the mates not giving expected cooperation, yes it was annoying. But it turned quite well actually because we won the second prize haha!

And on that day, I wasn't just a singer at the most front row but also a poet. Yes I read a poetry just to make us look more amazing I think? Yes we nailed at the end. I'm so proud of the squad. They are really those smart parts that not just perform on exams despite on stage as well. Big clap for them.


So here we go; the golden faces of the day. 





As you can see Alif's annoying face at last row, yes he was actually in a big war with the microphone stand, basically something to laugh at. Hahahahahaha










To Sarah

I'm not really good with numbers, and I know it makes me such an awful friend most of the times for not remembering the friends' birthdate. But in her case, let's consider it's an exception. We shared the same month of birthdate, the same birth place, the same zodiac and even the same thinking sometimes!



If I were to pick one word to describe this friendship, it would rather be 'home' as for me. Even though it has been hundred miles away now from each other but by meeting her once in awhile has been something I've always wanted to do (no kidding). We could spend for hours crazily talking about nothing to anything and can get very serious when it comes to future thingy. She's more than just a friend but a family, she's a part of my life to the point where I can say she's someone I wouldn't care if she likes my husband (but SHE BETTER NOT). Who she is? Of course, our one and only Sarah Rahidi 🎉



As for your birthday, I wish nothing but the best in everything you do. Be yourself because that's what you truly is and know that you're just unique in your own way. With such intelligence and good potential you got I believe you could go far, dutz. Life will get harder as we grow up, but I'm very confident in your capability in handling those hurdles like how you always did so pls don't prove me wrong ok! All in all, stay classy and educated! Woman power 💪🏻💫




With love, 
AY


 Ps: Sarah is the one in light grey. 





Cup of tea

I'm not your cup of tea, and there's nothing wrong with that I guess. You want someone who can grow up with you, start from the very zero with you, devoting her entire life for the uncertain relationship we must say? I'm not that kind of girl, and never thought to be like one so far. But it's okay, that's how I survived. Learn myself very well, treasure my reasons. Marriage is superbly big thing, it's a lifetime decision. And of course I want it to be almost perfect in every way, not just from the man's side but from me specifically. A complete preparation should be done, all including inner preparation, commitment, a good understanding, rationality and not to mention financial stability. Thinking wisely, it's not about I'm being too choosy wanting someone who has established... i just want to be with someone who knows well where to go and has all the equipments needed before both of us entering the world of marriage that we all know is full of hurdles. I'm preparing myself to be better person in every way, so does him. But that's not we're in somewhat relationship, or not that what are we preparing is solely or purposely for that particular person. We believe in faith, this context means directly to 'we deserve what we deserve'. Get yourself better, then you don't have to worry because you at the end of the day surely be destined to someone that's suitable enough for you. Have faith. Now again, think wisely. This is my belief and whatever you might think I'm going to stick on to this belief for I know there's nothing more important than to be better for a better person.



Sincerely,
AY

The wants

I don't care anymore, of what I'll be faced in future. Either to live without anyone's support, I want to still stand highly and be seen as a strong lady. I want to reach the destination for any risks I'll be facing, because I just don't care anymore. There is nothing matter more than to be, in the place for I've spent the past life dreaming of it. This is the time for me to really set myself on fire, and just let the dream burns into reality. It's the time to come in like a wrecking ball, and hit the fate as I made up of titanium.


I know obstacles might just come along the process, but this moment I just want to keep myself running. Running throughout this endless journey, until the day God ask me to stop then I'll stop. No one else could question me to where this thing is leading to, because this isn't anyone's issue but mine. 

For any place I will go to in this soon September, either it could be America  or Britain or might just be Australia--- I want it to be the place of me changing for better. The place that not only giving me a life ticket for practicing knowledge but to get me nearer to God. I want the place to be the spot where I meet my new inspiration and sunshine, may Allah grant me what is nothing more but the best and only the thing that He thinks is what best for me. He knows right, that I am not going to question anything but to accept with a willing heart.



I want to keep on the track, I want to be back to home after 3 years with the new and better mission. This, is for nothing but as my devotion towards the deen, nation and my people. Over all, this is the obligation from me to God. 



Yours,
AY

The day he leaves home

I could still remember when I was still a kid, that I had this someone I really looking up to and just wanted to be like him. You know this thing we call 'inspiration', like whatever he said or any opinions he gave I take as a magical mantra. Time goes by, and I rarely see him anymore until I reached fourteen and finally he came back home. That was one of the happiest moment I must say when a guy who I've been waiting for so long finally be homed right in front of my eyes. I thought we could spend much longer time together after that, you know like just hanging around the city and having a late movie night together. But little did I know, a better thing is waiting for him while I'm in a way picturing all my thoughts. For God's sake, I've seen him growing up from a very innocent youth to a very high potential young man and I swear Allah has been so good to him and he just truly deserves each of it.



Today, is the day of him entering another new phase of life and I'm truly glad for that. May Allah bless him with even more happiness and prosperity throughout his life. A simple congratulation won't be enough I guess, so let my prayers be a part of the moment. 




Yours sincerely,
The unattended guest. 




Book and the giver

This book is actually been given by one of the special person in my life. He's someone I always looking up to in life, because after all, he's the great person I've ever meet. Though no one really see those capabilities in himself, but I see them. And yes, he's great in his own way. I don't really remember on what reason he gave me this book except the part when I actually ask him to buy me a book by which I'll give him money. But yeah maybe as the reason for us to bump into each other, yes kinokuniya the favorite.

Why this book, anyway?

Because I'm a big fan of Murakami and this book was suggested by my brother. So yeah I bought this book, not literally. This book is for me a lil bit different compared to any other Murakami's books. By which, it's about his own perspective about marathon and running which I find very interesting to read. 


As always, Murakami's words are always beautiful and have a deep meaning, definitely a point to ponder. 


But for me it's not a book actually that resembles everything, it sometimes the giver. One book could be crazily interesting when it is given by someone you think they are special. 


The book is special, so do the giver. 







The secret saviors


I never really talk about my college life which surely as you guys can imagine referring to my tweets, it's actually terrible and but partly bearable. Alevel is tough and it's like superbly more tougher when I need to deal with terrible people at the same time. But I've been tough as well so to deal with those bitches and dickheads in the college has been my food and I'm getting used to it seriously. But despite all the storms and rains in my days, there actually few cliques I consider as rainbows that I always counting on. There are the reasons I survive my bad days. So that's them.


This is basically my classmates so as you can see those smart pants who have always nailed every papers without fail. I might miss them as soon as I leave my college I guess.






My beautiful squad of mentees, I love them secretly. 



The group of housemates. Those faces I need to bear as soon as I open my eyes in the morning until my day ends. It's tiring actually, but I kinda enjoy them.


This is my other half. Yes, I'm talking about that half eaten ice cream actually. Pardon the pimple on my nose.



I should be grateful actually to have all these great friends while struggling hard in this alevel. Because I'm telling you now, alevel is crazily tiring and hard. So you need a good friend in companion to always cheer up your bad days and motivate with good words. 


Ps: nothing much to say just to have this all photos saved in this blog, you know for future reference. Teehee. 





Short Rant



So it was two days ago I was sitting for my Ielts test which are consisted of three components of listening, reading and followed with writing in one shot period. It was tough, really. But I was kinda grateful because I've done my speaking test on two days earlier compared to most of my collegemates in other centre who had to do all 4 components in a day at which it must be extremely tough I guess. Eventhough it went literally stressful throughout the test, I was actually happy in the end of successfully completed this one phase of getting nearer to Uk.

Yes, this is one of the whole process of road to Uk. I'm in process of completing my application to ucas which is due on this 25th December, I really hope I could cope everything smoothly. May Allah ease everything for me, InsyaAllah.


I know this is going to be tough and literally not easy, I know that every much. But in Allah I believe. I believe for every hardship comes easy and there's nothing I should be bothered much. I believe Allah knows well what I deserve, make it what I'm having now and will in future.


Till then,
AY.

Wonderful







"Don't you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everybody and just go some place where you don't know a soul?"






Those days

I've been so busy lately with life, not to mention the mental torture i've been facing everyday now in my life. But whatever it is, there is still a day when I know I still have courage and hope to live under.  So the day I write this entry is when exactly a week more before my final exam for this semester. I kinda scared to face it yet cannot wait any longer for my break.


I will start with IRP first, yes you need to account the arrangement accordingly as IRP is so similar to RIP as because of that we all have turned to be zombie but in very scary version. IRP is kinda a revision programme in group. You are divided into groups randomly, and there comes the most big issue I am facing now. The IRP will be better if you get such supportive members or else your mental be tortured everyday sarcastically. Overall from my view, I see IRP as a good programme as you can always seek help from friends and its like it standardize student's knowing in some topics so that everyone will receive the same inputs. No one will be left behind, we move forward together.


But there is this guy, that I would assumed that he doesnt like me. Or maybe, he likes me a lil bit and most of the feeling is hatred, pissed off and what not. I dont like him either, I mean yes he looks nice but the reality is not as the same as it seems. I dont know which zodiac he in but we just cant make a good companion towards each other. When I with him, most of the time will be an argument about everything and anything. And of course, I hate guy who simply scold girl in public i mean cmon you are not allowed to do that to any girls either. And guess what, he did that to me. I get offended everytime with him and swear to God i just want to run away and never come back to mkic just because of him.


But i think its getting better now as it just a week left so nothing much to be worried.








But despite of those bad days, there is still a rainbow God has saved for me. Exactly on last week, my college has organized this visit to one of the school near Dungun, not so far from my college. You know how I wasnt excited for the programme as i was so exhausted and been longing for weekend so that I can rest but no way! ... As the programme was during my weekend pulak. Stress aku.



The night before I sleep at 3 and just dont imagine how i looked like when i need to wake up in the morning at 6 because bus will fetch us at 7. I know it's not even funny.



But guess what, it turned out to be such a beautiful day. Yes it was beyond my expectation. I never expect that I can be so in love with the place, the kids and just everything about that day. We went to this place called Pasir Raja. My first view was their school, yes i should be more grateful for living in city as that place is beyond anything that I had. With not more than 70 students, the school may just be sufficient for this small population to get better education.


My love at a first sight was Jimie, that young kid who is so bright and very good in english. He first entertained everyone with this one english song i never knew what. Then, so lucky i was that i got a chance to fasilitate his group. And there goes a love episode between us.


We had Nadi, Jimie, Jijie and Anis. Nadi is 7 years old, not so tall but lil chubby yet cute somehow. I can say that he has such an unconditional relationship with foods, that he loves food more than anything else. What his is his, what others is his too. Moving on Jijie, at first I thought that Jijie nickname came because of his teeth until i saw he write his name as Azizi, so yeah. Anis, she is so girly. I mean with her shyness and politeness.


A day spent with them has taught me about so many things especially to appreciate life and have grattitude in self. Our struggle in education may just be vary compared to them in Pasir Raja. Things are harder for them, especially their infastructure. But it is so spectacular as they survived well or much better than those kids in city. Told you, kids in Pasir Raja are so genius and bright.



The best part of Pasir Raja should be the river behind their school. It is so beautiful that it makes me think to build a house exactly alongside the river. The scenery is just so eye catching. I want to spend my life there.







All in all, i conclude that there will always be something to cheer for despite those bad days you had. You just need to open up and start to let the happiness enter your life. Love is not something you find, it is something that finds you.





As for the kids, i am looking forward to meet u all in future time insyaAllah.