My country isn't a safe place

My country is no longer a safe place. 
This entry was supposed to be a happy new written journal. Well, not until I got traumatised with one incident happened along our way to Petaling Street as one of our stop during the KL-hopping trip yesterday.

I got T and H along with me, we went as a trio young lady who had enough of Malaysia but still wanted more so to KL we go. It was a long walk-in-distance trip with many places to be caught on eyes; from KL sentral to pasar seni then to dataran merdeka, proceed to Jalan Tun Abdul Rahman, back to Pasar Seni and then China Town nearby Jalan Petaling of KL. From Pasar Seni we went across this one bus station in a way to Jalan Petaling .

It was still early in the evening, 6 o clock approximately. I took the lead eventually, T and H were just few metres away at the back from me. While crossing the bus station accordingly to the right direction shown by google in T's phone, our mind sure weren't in the step we were on. Our mind were wandering around, we were the three young ladies who sure were exhausted after such long hours walking around Kuala Lumpur from morning. Until then, we were approached by this one beggar asking us some money. 

As we were walking towards Jalan Petaling, came a man out of nowhere standing in front of us begging for money. He then showed us his wallet and told us how he was so in need of money because he is an OKU (based on OKU card he held). This beggar I tell you, I didn't recognize his face so clearly. I wasn't really focus who was this person standing in front of me. We three were ignoring him out of fear, while me with my lowered down face at the very front because I was so anxious to bring out my purse to give him some money I tried to walk him by. But his voice was nothing like asking money, he indeed was scolding us. His voice was loud enough to make us in fear of what to do. I was thinking hard that moment, of what to do next. While thinking, I kept walking that then was assumed to be a signal of ignorance to him. 

His voice was a desperate one, I heard it so clearly. He wanted money, we neglected to give any. He got mad, of course he was. He sure was on drug, because H who analysed his face so clearly can see how red were his eyes out of intoxication. I couldn't really remember how, but then I got attacked physically right onto my face. I can't describe as if he slapped or punched me with his bare hand or something. I just know I was being attacked when I got my face half numb, and I wanted to cry. More hurtful was that, there were two male Malaysians sitting on the bench watching the whole scene but never helping.

After got attacked, I took away my shades on. I looked around as if I was looking for someone to help. I desperately wanted a protection with the society around. We made an eye contact with some men as well, but how hurtful my heart is now by just reminding that moment; when no one was actually helping us. NO ONE. Like I was nothing like a public physical abuse victim. I was hurted, I was scolded, I was attacked; all out of nowhere. And no one sees me as a lady who needed a protection. At least to ask us of what actually were happening, of were we fine after the incident. 

I am so disappointed with my home people. 

I thought, it must be safe to be in my own country, where everywhere I go I am around of my people; they must be nice people because they are Malaysian. Well, I doubt that now. I don't feel safe anymore. I was a positive Malaysian before, I cared a lot that I was so sure feminism is never an issue because women here would always be protected. That was what I kept always in mind. Now, I am a skeptical Malaysian, I don't feel secure, I have big fear in my ignorant society. To that guys who were sitting while watching but never helping; SHAME ON YOU. Cut off your dick coz you don't deserved to be called "a man". 

This trauma I suffer isn't going to define my confidence as a woman, but it does affect of how I see my society now. This is national issue. This is our issue. If I wanted justice, it is not because the pain I got by being attacked by an intoxicated man. I wanted justice for being hurted and no one was helping. No one while they actually see eveything. No one while they watch the whole scene. 

Dear Malaysian, I've had enough of you. 

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