The tale actually continues

A continuation of this previous post.




The girl, Orked, has been a melancholic people. She gives in too much to life, and often, self-pity. Surrendering herself to "sometimes, things just won't work out"; and like some Afghanistan movies that often says Zendagi migzara, means, life goes on. She has accepted the fact, that for some reasons, Jason, the guy, the stranger she has been fascinated about, has to be stayed as stranger, she means, just another stranger; another guy who comes in and out through the cafe. Accept this one into the mind that this not a typical tale, for tale must be finished with happy ending. This is; her version of Zendagi migzara.

Orked's life goes on. 



The unfinished tale is terribly unfinished, for Orked has left the spot of her standing initially, by not saying anything. You see, Orked is a kind of human-being that full with words, words are like her public weapon. She cries and bleeds for words. And now that her story with Jason are nothing like such, but the untold spoken words. Isn't it melancholic? 

Did Jason say anything so hurtful that a girl like Orked could turn shut down entirely? Did Jason actually say something? Or nothing at all. 
Was Jason, ever be Orked's cup of tea? 

Maybe yes, maybe no. But that's also something about this miracle we called love. It justifies almost all. Now that this story has got to be so intricate to tell, love sure has faded away. Nothing close to happy ending, yet unfinished. 



Unfinished, unsent spoken words, are all so terrible to be read. This tale is the worst to be in anyone's draft. Yes, draft is what it meant to be. The stranger she spoke that day at the cafe, was just a draft. Something as broken as 'almost', something so near yet so far. She had things to say, alot. So then she wrote a letter; typically to Jason in no one. This, the letter she spent days on writing also, has been unsent. Now that this unfinished tale might just be finished in way this letter remained with her, being read to no one. This tale (actually) continues... 







If i were to leave us the last time, and if ever that leaving was a real successful one, thus this one letter should have never been in your hand by now.  However, I've always believed even one little thing does happen for a reason. And the most real is that, this is written for you on your birthday for the reason it's still you that was in my mind all this while. 

Jason, 

I like the name. It suits you well, somehow. The egoist Jason, the most busy Jason, the ignorant Jason but in the same soul; is the loving Jason, the mature Jason, the wise Jason and in fact the most unique 'you'; well, saying good about your name is no different like I am complimenting all of every of your brothers coz all of you share the same name of; Jason. 

But you just are, my most amazing Jason. 

Your definite wish on my college's yearbook is one thing I couldn't erase. Even if I could, it would just stay there, because after all it's you who came at the end of the last page of my college days. How irony it would be, to think, that you've never been there in the first starting point and even my journey along it, and how could you now be that one important character since then? How have you came. And if I may ask, who are you, and how did you do. 

You see, in one year, you've became so many characters in my mind. It was you who made me fall, was the same you that turned me crazy, mad, uncontrollable, and balanced all in the same time. You took with you all the characters; both protagonist and antagonist. It's you I would call the knight in shining armour was the same you that makes me think you might be an asshole, fuckboy or just a plain basic guy until one moment I deeply was in question of "who. is. this. boy. really."

You really made me think more than once. 

You see, we came from a different path of life. My name has never crossed in your mind, the same way that your name has never been something I used to mention through my lip. In fact, we never realised each other's existence before. But now, it's you that in my mind all day long; how irony this thing actually is. You've known my name, but never my story, my struggle, and what I've been up to in life all this while. Same applied on me, to you. Would I know you..... somedays... somehow. 

Thus, you are the guy I must be called as stranger. You were a stranger. But a stranger is not the usual stranger. But the classmate of two years from school that I've known him just by names, but never by characters and his true persona. 

When I call you a blessing, I didn't mean something extra magical. I were to describe you as something sophisticated but came in a very simple yet natural way. Well, I must say that nothing is so magical for us. I guess that's how I chose you, because you made me at ease. You made me think that it is possible somehow, if not impossible to believe all over again. 

We've been through a lot in life so far, without each other; without the caring from one another before. We had our own storyline, you had yours while I had mine. We were both too busy chasing for our own dreams until one time at the very pause point of my life and probably you too, we met. It takes two to tango, but I guess you dropped hint at the right moment and I was being too smart to have that to be detected and analysed. In fact, I rather called myself a fool who rushed in. 



Two different countries, two different background studies, and two different journeys; are just matter of distance and places. Like a dust, those are minor distractions for us, aren't they? 

I'd like to quote one of my favourite Indonesian quote that says "adalah cinta yang mengubah jalannya waktu, karena cinta waktu terbagi dua" 

You leaving for good for another country is the sweet and sour plot of our story. For such an independent lover like me, that's just bonus for this talent I got here. I know we could survive long distance as just piece of cake. It just that, communication could be terribly limited and commitment to relationship isn't a thang to boy like you. Lol let's be real, venusians just aren't good multitasker, are they? So for that, I truly understand. 


But let us see, let us see how far this conscience would go. How far. How far. 



If you were to date me, you would date a smart girl, a girl who has plans for everything in her life, a girl who thinks in advance before the event even exists, a girl who overthinks all everything because it is the only way to make her getting rid of her insecurities and killing doubts. If you were to date me, you would date a girl that is in fact a combination of everything so deep, and you asking me "chill chill" was in fact out of my capacity. But, Jason. I don't want you to just date me, I don't want you to typically date me. Or have you the access to call me "girlfriend" in front of our friends; in fact we are not dating each other, do we? I want us to be something more meaningful and extra sentimental; more like a partner to one another. A best friend who never had chances to be friend-zoned; but be loved and cared. 

If I can bring you an analogy, let us be the stars to each other. Like stars, they are not always seen, but forever are there. 

When making a decision to be 'us' instead of you and me; let's talk real. This is a business deal. And our definite waiting isn't just a merely waiting game. It is, in fact, a deal. It comes with condition and if this was to be successful, it could benefit both of us; only if love (still) is what that tied us as one. When I say love, it has always been a deep feeling. Whatever you define love, let's be fair to one another and be transparent if ever things don't go as the way we expected. Make it like a business deal, disclose everything that could effect any of our sane mind. 

Until we are ready and good to go, promise that you'd tell if ever things fucked up somewhere. Because after all, you are dealing with a smart girl. And nothing is more genuine than me trusting you, to be fair enough handling this matter. 

In a way, you must know that you are the subject in my study. You are the lion; the king of the jungle. I may not know you, but I acknowledge your nature. In fact like how you always say "kau pun tau aku macam mana..." , though every time I was in madness in fucking countering your statement inside my head like "dehel how do i fvcking know?!". Like a book, I want to keep this courage, to read you, to study you; so lend me chances to be your reader. I don't want to just adore your name, but your soul as well. 

Now, stay with the stand you built for yourself. Be in your rhythm. Be in love in the way you are good with. Be comfortable. This ain't easy but darling, rome wasn't built in a day. 


Where are we going? Are we going somewhere? 

That's you (and me) to figure out. . So as long as things are balanced and clear, get moved. Let us go together hand by hand, side by side, supporting each other using our own way. 




Happy birthday 21-years-old-- Jason. You've been great and always are. 



Love, Orked.